Brutal Critters' Journal|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Brutal Critters' LiveJournal:
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|Friday, December 25th, 2009|
um, newbie here...
Um, hello! My name is alpha_hydra. I stumbled upon this comm and thought "why yes, I am a grammar nazi; yes, I do
love it when my papers are returned to me bleeding red ink; yes I am a snarky bitch..."
And so I joined.
I've a piece of poetry I was hoping to get critiqued. It's sort of got an Emily Dickenson-feel to it, and I don't know; I think I was going for an iambic pentameter kind of thing to it (except I'm not entirely sure that's what it's called. Maybe a limerick But NO that's not right either
?) Ugh. The Winter Holidays have turned me into a useless pile of mush. So, tear it to shreds, yes?
Current Mood: exhausted
|Saturday, November 21st, 2009|
Critique me, please....
Hi, my name is Kenny and I'm trying my hand at writing poetry. I write mostly straight, narrative poems. I hope u guys can give me good feedback. : )
Death comes at any time, we see how it can be unkind. Current Mood: grumpy
We watch now as a man waits by his lover’s side, gazing lovingly into her eyes.
He tells her that time is with them, and they're love is strong within him.
She smiles back at what he said, as she starts to cough while laying in bed.
She then begins to speak from her heart, telling him it’s time to part.
For she knows full well death is near, so she tells him she loves him in his ear.
He fights off the tears with all his might, tells her that this won't be their last night.
Continuing on with the same old line, that it’s not her time with a chill down his spine.
He tells her to think back before all this, and how they didn’t think a love like theirs exist.
Reminds her of all those years together, and how they met during the hot weather..
The time when they first met at the beach, scared at first to make any speech.
Never stopping to move close to each other, moving their feet one after another.
He then reminds her of the first words that day by the shore, you’re the angel that I prayed for.
With a wavering smile she tells him with a weak voice, that she’s glad he made this choice.
To stay with her through this all, ready to catch her when she’s about to fall.
Telling him she never forgot that perfect year, and how she remembers it all so clear.
Putting on his cheesy smile, he tells her he’d always run that extra mile.
He reassures her that when his time comes, heaven will guide him with their drums.
Even with death right next to her, nothing will make his love stir.
Holding her hands firmly he can tell, it’s time to tell his love farewell.
Her breathing comes slower as her eyes start to close, he tells her please not to doze.
She smiles one last time while squeezing his hand, she tells him to understand.
To know and remember full well, that this is not their farewell.
That their love on earth is not the end, but will continue and transcend.
Before he can say anything to his love, she had already ascended above.
Tears start to overflow his eyes, but remember she said that there are no goodbyes.
So instead he smiles and starts to think, not even death can tear love’s link.
|Sunday, June 21st, 2009|
Title: Stuffed Dolls
Warnings: Strong Violence, Substance Abuse, Child Abuse
Summary: Upon reaching his teenage years, a young boy's curiosity is sparked by a dream he had. Child Abuse
1390 Words( Stuffed DollsCollapse )
|Monday, November 17th, 2008|
oh look, a poem...
this is a poem i've been working on and its not what i would like it to be. so i need a fresh set of eyes. I sent it to one person and got the 'oh, i like it.'
( Grandpa"s Back PorchCollapse ) Current Mood: lazy
|Thursday, September 18th, 2008|
New online magazine now accepting writing/art submissions!
(Posted with permission)Introducing
an online magazine of Science Fiction & Fantasy with a twist
Crossed Genres is a new online magazine inspired by an altered version of the Genre Challenge
Every month, Crossed Genres posts a new genre. Writers and artists have one month to submit stories and art that combine the chosen genre with some aspect of Science Fiction and/or Fantasy. All submissions are considered for publication (read the submission guidelines
.) Crossed Genres will also contain interviews, and articles about the current genre, SF/F in general and the craft and business of writing. The Magazine is free!
Please sign up to get the mailing list
We also have a growing list of writer-related links
(suggest a new one!), forums
discussing all aspects of writing, and more!
So please visit the website
, and sign up for the mailing list
! The first genre has been posted and is accepting submissions for Issue #1, to be released December 1. Please consider making a submission!
|Wednesday, September 17th, 2008|
I'm writing some epic Jasperfic from the Twilight universe. It's not sappy, it's not cliche, and it's not according to Meyer's style
or lack thereof
Mostly it's a kid stuck in a war two thousand miles away from home, and all he can think about is getting himself--and the men assigned to his command--through it alive.
I really need someone familiar with the Civil War, the 1860s, or the Southern dialect from that time. I've done my research; it's as much an original historical piece as it is loosely based fanfiction. I would just really like it if someone would read through my chapters and point out oddly-sounding phrases and confusing descriptions.
I don't want to post it here for fifty people to glance over and pass up, I just want one or two willing betas who will work through the entire thing with me and help me out. If you're interested, give me a holler. If you know someone else who might be, give them a holler. Any help is appreciated.
Thanks in advance!
|Monday, September 15th, 2008|
[[I found this place while reading through various lj comms, and this sounds like an amazing idea. :) Soo... I offer up this story.
It's Twilight, but please don't let that scare you away. :) It's not purple-sparkle love, really.Title:
The Disadvantages of Sleeping with a WerewolfFandom:
Jacob and BellaRating:
Bella discovers some of the downsides to sharing her bed with a werewolf.Notes (aka, things to keep in mind and things to fix:
First Twilight story ever. Is it in character?
Check for grammar, please and thank you. I have issues with it.
Fluff is not my thing, and I feel like the ending is a bit to sticky sweet. Tips to make it better? Current Mood: tired
|Thursday, May 15th, 2008|
I'm trying to edit two poems for a creative writing class, but I'm not quite sure where to go. They're supposed to be at least 15 lines long, and I'm having a bit of a hard time with that. I'm looking for help in pretty much everything, especially getting it to make sense/not be boring or embarassing. I think I need the most help with the second one. Current Mood: frustrated
|Monday, May 5th, 2008|
Hi there, I've just stumbled onto this community and think that the idea is wonderful. I bring with me one poem and one set of song lyrics (if song lyrics are allowed) all ready for some crit.( Click hereCollapse )
|Saturday, May 3rd, 2008|
I drive through traffic in a grey sky,
there is paper in my wastepaper bin
Lately, time is like the mild cold between seasons.
There is nothing to do but continue,
keep driving every morning and every night.
I know, like the taut strings of an optimistic violin
anticipate the symphony.
But the conversations have faded into the past
and now is the long silence of waiting, in the hum drum.
This time between the last adventure and the next
feels so wasted,
First of all, I just have to say, I adore the name of this community, because everytime I see it, I think of brutal critters as in viscious wild animals. :3 And that imagery, when applied to my work, makes me oddly happy. Anyway, here's the poetry to be brutalized.
watching the stars
waiting for the moon.
I whistle, low and long
but no one comes.
|Wednesday, April 30th, 2008|
Latey, time is like the mild cold between seasons.
The taut strings of an optimistic violin
anticipating an unknown orchestra.
The long silence in waiting
feels so wasted,
|Monday, April 21st, 2008|
So I'm new to this. I mostly write poems lately but sometimes I write fiction and stuff. I don't know that I will post my fiction here seeing as how I'm not so sure that anyone would take the time to read it to critique it. So here's a poem.
Banana Republic Model( Read more...Collapse ) Current Mood: hopeful
|Sunday, April 20th, 2008|
Ok, so I really need this as I am so looking to improve. If it is trash, please feel free to say and I shall try something different with things! Here we go... I have decided to show this piece:
Flawed to Perfection
It is hard to taint this purity,
to smother it in tattoos that claim permanence,
to release a trapped thought,
only to capture it once more.
Ideas that flirt with their new residence,
only to be viewed and judged,
mocked and critiqued,
then to die a slow death in the future that is their past.
Some make love to the eyes they touch,
whilst others detested with abhorrence,
a result of beautiful vulgarity,
or subjective rejection,
lie nowhere to be exhibited.
each curve of your body,
I will make beautiful,
carve to perfection,
whilst the old dwelling recovers,
no longer despondent,
but free from the art of you.
Naked purity can remain so,
but then again,
transparency here is offensive,
a state to be unrecognized.
I taint with kindness,
a tattoo of love, seeping into your fibres,
where you may seem fixed,
yet will never die the death of history,
for you will forever be running in my heavenly garden Current Mood: anxious
|Saturday, April 19th, 2008|
Well hello :) . I r teh latest newb here, please smash my shit to bits kthx.
I'll start with something short to offer up to the brutal gods of crit. It's a tiny little poem, or a poem-fragment (though I honestly don't know where else to go with it). Thanks in advance for the neccessary pain, I'll be returning the favour ^_^ .
|Sunday, April 13th, 2008|
Please dont hit me if this is not aloud.
I am looking for a beta/possible co-author for a BSG/SGA crossover. Mainly I just need someone to bounce ideas off. I have a series of ideas.
Atlantis chooses new Caprica as the new location for Atlantis, when they get there they find the planet abandoned apart from a few survivors both human and cylon.
Sheppard and co get captured by the humans thinking that they might be cylons. When they escape they take the cylon with them back to Atlantis.
Not quite believing what the cylon tells them, Shepard goes back to new Caprica to try and speak with the human there.
The cylon commits suicide, when he/she realise that the atlantians are doubting his/her story.
Atlantis’s original planet is on the roadmap to earth, the Apollo drops by to check things out and runs into the fleet.
I not to sure where to go from there but this rabid pot bunny wont leave me alone so can someone help me make it into a fully fledged plot. Or send it to plot bunny heaven.
|Wednesday, April 9th, 2008|
Hello, everyone! This is the first time I've ever posted an actual piece of writing in this group, though I have commented a few times. There is a contest at my college to write a good song in praise of the school, and so I have come up with some strange lyrics. I would love to have some feedback, especially on the rhymes (I hate rhyming! It is so hard to do well!). It's supposed to be humorous, and in a sort of old-fashioned tone, like our actual Skidmore Alma Mater. Some of the jokes may be a little confusing to people who haven't heard of the college. Oh, and a few of the lines are intentionally not quite in the meter. But if you have ideas for lines that might fit better, by all means tell them.
Thanks!( Skidmore SongCollapse )
|Saturday, March 29th, 2008|
I started working again on the poem I posted here a bit earlier. This is what I came up with so far. I don't know quite where to go with editing it next, and I'm not sure if it makes sense. I think it's about PG13.
|Thursday, March 27th, 2008|
Come on, guys. Don't make me institute a points system where you have to earn reviews on your own stories by reviewing other people's or something dumb like that. Seriously.
Also, I assign each of you the homework to tell at least one writer you know about this place and try to get them to join. More writers = more critters = I don't get annoyed at you for not responding to people.
You'd want them to do it for you, wouldn't you? It's not that difficult.
|Wednesday, February 20th, 2008|
I'm a newbie, so here goes. I just wrote this poem type of thing that I really need help editing. I'm so glad I found this community.
I'm not sure about the title for this. And the rating....If anybody has a better idea of how to rate this, I'd really like to hear it.
Rating: ???? PG13 language and violence